It isn't the most credible way to flog your album, but with seven million viewers a month and no annoying interviewer asking probing questions about your private life, it could prove a canny choice. On Monday, Charlotte Church performed live on the cable shopping channel QVC (which in 2009 posted sales of £367.9m) to sell her new album, at a bargain £9.99. In June, Cat Deeley went on the original US channel to sell her range of jewellery. But these are what have done really well. Currently the channel's top UK sellers are: Acer laptop Its current highest earner – priced at around £450 – has racked up £1.7m in sales. Emu boots Similar to the more famous Uggs, more than £1.5m worth of these sheepskin boots have been snapped up. Liz Earle skincare QVC has sold more than £1m worth of one particular item from the Liz Earle beauty and skincare range. Fuji camera The highest-earning gadget for the company, racking up sales of £800,000.
If you're a novice on the slopes, you could learn to ski for free. Photograph: Getty Images
Culture and entertainment
Watch the blockbusters first If you are prepared to jump through a few hoops, you can see most new movies before they are even released – legally, and without paying. Simply sign up for preview tickets with a website such as seefilmfirst.com or tellten.co.uk. When a screening that suits your tastes and location becomes available, they email you with a code. The first people to enter it online get the tickets. It can be quite competitive, so act fast. And keep an eye out for new codes on forums such as moneysavingexpert.com and hotukdeals.com. Very satisfying when it works. LB Get your brain working It is easy to see why the public lecture is becoming popular once again. This week, for instance, without paying a penny, you could see BBC Dragon James Caan talking about entrepreneurship at the London School of Economics, and next week there's a discussion on the future of transport at Blackwell's bookshop in Manchester, or a speech on the aesthetics of litter at Leeds University. Check lecturelist.org, the Guardian Guide, the listings in the back of Prospect magazine or the Saturday Review. LB Sneak a peek at a theatre rehearsal If you enjoy new writing, then it does not come any newer than the "rehearsed reading". This type of performance allows a play to be shown to audiences cheaply and quickly, helping all those involved to hone the production before it reaches the stage. For around £5, you can watch a play as it takes shape, and often even contribute to discussions. To find one, contact your nearest new writing theatre, such as the Royal Court in London or the Tron in Glasgow. LB Mug up on your art Many galleries offer free tours and workshops. In the coming days, kids visiting Manchester Art Gallery can make themselves into human machines while adults can listen to a panel discussion on the subject Design = Art? at Birmingham's Ikon Gallery, or visit the British Museum for a lunchtime talk on the art of the kingdom of Gandhara. LB Stirling Castle is offering free entry on St Andrew's Day weekend. Photograph: Getty Swap your old books The problem with your personal library is that it contains precisely those books that you do not want to read, because you've read them already – or given up. So why not exchange them for someone else's? Visit a site such as readitswapit.co.uk, bookmooch.com or bookins.com, list your books, send them off, and then search for others to exchange your credit for. All you pay is the postage. The principle works just as well without the internet, of course, at organised events such as the Firestation Book Swap (£5 entry), which is based in Windsor and also tours the country. LB Join a choir As Gareth Malone unceasingly demonstrates on television, singing in a choir can be tremendous fun. Large amateur groups are the perfect place for an inexperienced singer to start building confidence. For many, the most obvious option is their local church choir. If that's not to your taste, there may well also be a choral society or community choir nearby. Scan the links on choralsociety.org.uk, or check your local paper. LB Watch a radio or TV recording It shouldn't really be possible to see some of some of Britain's most popular performers live, in small venues, for no money. But by visiting bbc.co.uk/showsandtours/tickets or tvrecordings.com you can do it pretty much every week. Currently available are seats in the audience for Harry Hill's TV Burp, Celebrity Mastermind and The Hairy Bikers' Cook-Off. Be advised: the best shows are often in London. LB Meet a celeb You don't have to pay anything to stand around and watch how awkward interactions play out, and if you are prepared to fork out for a book, you earn the right to share a moment with the celebrity in question. Be sure you get your money's worth by asking them the question no one else dares to. Today alone Simon Pegg is at WH Smith in Manchester's Trafford Centre at lunchtime, Gok Wan at Waterstone's in Liverpool from 5pm, and Manolo Blahnik at Liberty in London at 6-8pm. SP Brush up on the midterms Join Tariq Ali in a discussion about the US midterm elections, The Obama Syndrome, at the Free Word Centre, London, next Monday. Email info@freewordonline.com. SP
Travel
Become a courier Pickings are slim, but British Airways still offers big discounts on flights for people willing to work as couriers. There is only one route at the moment – to Tokyo – and the discounted price is around £300 for a return ticket (although you only take the package one way). Flights until the end of the year are booked up, but next year could be a good time to find out more (0870 320 0301). HK Take a train through Ireland A four-day Golden Trekker pass for all trains in Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland is completely free – as long as you're over 66. And if you want to take in the country at a more leisurely place, simply apply for more than one pass. HK Sleep in someone else's bed House-sitting may not pay well but it does offer the chance of a break in someone else's life (and sometimes swimming pool). Adele Barclay from Homesitters says: "There are a variety of homes, from flats in central London to remote country properties." In return for free accommodation, and a tax-free food allowance, you have to feed any pets, look after the pot plants and not leave the property for more than three consecutive hours in the day or an hour at night. If you fancy more freedom and far-flung locations you could try a home swap – where you exchange your home with holidaymakers in your destination of choice. Or if you don't mind staying on a sofa, there is always couchsurfing, which not only offers a free place to sleep, but a way to meet locals around the world (couchsurfing.org). HK Go back to university Cheap rooms in college halls are a great way to keep holiday costs down. The accommodation may be basic but the chance to wander through the corridors of historic halls and explore ancient colleges should make up for the wiry carpets and single beds. Bath, Oxford, Cambridge and London all offer beds in beautiful buildings. Book a room at universityrooms.co.uk. HK Enjoy splendid isolation at a remote bothy. Photograph: Ashley Cooper/Alamy Get away from it all – and we mean all – at a bothy These are simple shelters in remote parts of the UK that are free to stay in, but definitely without home comforts – by which we mean a water supply or a toilet. Think of it like indoor camping, but what is lost in luxury can be gained in breathtaking scenery and splendid isolation (mountainbothies.org.uk). HK Learn to ski OK, not completely free – you need to book your flights and accommodation through one of six approved operators – but for a lot less than usual. The Association of Snow Sports Countries is offering novices free skiing tuition, lift passes and equipment hire as part of its Freshers Ski Weeks for seven days from 22 January or 19 March. Choose from 25 resorts. HK Free castles, cathedrals and palaces On St Andrew's Day weekend (27 and 28 November) a huge number of historic sites – including Edinburgh Castle, Iona Abbey and Stirling Castle – will open their doors for free. For more information, see www.historic-scotland.gov.uk. HK
Food and drink
Review a new restaurant Mystery shopping is a great way to eat for free if you don't mind where you end up. This is how restaurant and cafe owners (as well as supermarkets, theme parks and everywhere else) do their own quality check before the critics find them. If you sign up to mystery-shoppers.co.uk you will receive an assignment and could find yourself reviewing a fine dining restaurant with up to £75 to spend – or a local cafe with a fiver. But beware of scams where agencies try to charge you to sign up with them. HK Make a gourmet dish from weeds It's a bumper year for hedgerows, according to forager Robin Harford, and now is the perfect time to start picking your own meals. "The drier fruits are really lush this year. Try picking rosehips and making a syrup or a cordial – rosehips have 20 times as much vitamin C as oranges and taste absolutely fantastic. Dandelions are also good at this time of year – after they have flowered and seeded. Pick ones that have grown in the shade, saute the leaves and serve them with bacon." For more recipes and wild food, go to eatweeds.co.uk. HK Go down the pub With 50 pubs shutting every week, it is practically your civic duty to go to your local and be cheered up. Lots still offer free sandwiches if you take part in the pub quiz (a few even throw in chips). Try The Porter Brook pub in Sheffield or The Stamford Arms in Bowdon, Cheshire. HK Sniff out a free wine tasting at Majestic Wine. Photograph: Getty Images Volunteer as a Victorian and get a free lunch Not only will you achieve a saintly glow by helping others, but working as a volunteer can get you free dinners. At Blists Hill Victorian town in Shropshire, an open-air museum, history buffs can dress up in specially made costumes, earn a lunch voucher to spend at the fish-and-chip shop and get free entry to all of the 10 Ironbridge Gorge museums along with a guest. Teachers can even take on the role of Victorian schoolma'am to tick off kids the old-fashioned way. Contact the volunteering department on 01952 601044. HK Become a wine connoisseur Osborne and Cameron can presumably rely on the reserves of their family wine cellars when the going gets tough; for the rest of us there is Majestic Wine. Its shops not only offer free tasting, but also a free two-hour introduction to wine session for their customers. So even if you can't quite afford to turn your nose up at cheap booze any more, at least you'll know when you ought to. HK
Fashion, beauty and shopping
Get a free haircut Trainee hairdressers need to practise on someone, and that someone could be you. Toni & Guy has academies in London and Manchester where eager apprentices will chop your locks for just £5, or tint it for £20. Even better is the Headmasters senior academy in London where qualified hairdressers will do it for free. The only drawback is you won't be able to choose what you look like. NJ Kit out your makeup bag Department-store beauty halls are a great source of free samples. The key is to have a cover story. Try: "I've heard wonderful things about this new moisturiser, but I've got terribly sensitive skin. Is there a sample I could try at home first?" Before you know it, eye creams and lip rejuvenators will be pressed into your hands too, in the hope you might later invest in the entire set. Ensure the counters you target are not in sight of one another, otherwise the jig will be up. NJ Attach a bulldog clip to your jacket - a la Richard Nicoll. Photograph: Ian Gavan/Getty Get hip fast Fasten your jacket with bulldog clips, as seen at Richard Nicoll's catwalk show. Or swing a pair of binoculars around your neck, for the Hussein Chalayan touch. SC Refresh your wardrobe Exchanging unloved items for someone else's rejects got trendy just as the recession was hitting hard. The concept is still going strong, with swap-shop soirees among friends and strangers now 10 a penny. One of the originals is Swap-A-Rama Razzmatazz, which raucously demands that you make a trade each time a klaxon sounds, is holding a Halloween event in London on 30 October. You can also swap online at sites such as bigwardrobe.com, swishing.org and posh-swaps.com. SP Spruce up your home This needn't always be expensive: a designer fake is just as good as the real thing, and more satisfying. B&Q's outsize Tecton floorlamp will add a dash to your living room for £79, compared with £2,200 for the real-deal Giant Anglepoise from Heal's. Alternatively, cosy up in a classic Eames lounge chair by bagging yourself a bargain for £369 from milandirect.co.uk, compared with the authentic design at £3,805 from Aram. If this is too hard on your wallet, get creative with what you've got. Move your sofa to a new spot. Stack your books in a tall, elegant column for a loft-style look. Frame some favourite photographs. And raid the garden for fresh flowers. HB
Health and fitness
Try a free workout Most gyms happily hand out free passes to lure you into signing up, but there is no obligation to do so. In fact, there are enough different chains now that you can get in pretty good shape by doing the rounds of all the trials available. Simply call in and feign interest, and treadmill and steam room access is yours. Nuffield Health and Esporta will give you a day's access, LA Fitness three and Fitness First five. SP Take a dog for a walk Everyone knows that owning a pet, particularly a dog, can make people happier and healthier. But it can be expensive, tricky and hard work. Which is where the Cinnamon Trust comes in. The charity matches elderly, ill or housebound pet owners with volunteers who offer to walk their dog, or look after it while its owner is in hospital. The owner gets to keep their pet, you get to spend time with a dog without full-time responsibility, and the pooch gets a walk. Everyone is happy. ES
Angelina Jolie has run into conflict over her directorial debut, an as-yet untitled film set during the Bosnian war. Photograph: PacificCoastNews.comAngelina Jolie's directorial debut has run into a little local difficulty. Madam is currently shooting a love story set during the war in the former Yugoslavia – but alas, her efforts do not appear to be meeting universal acclaim. Or as one Bosnian official reportedly told the Daily Mail: "With one film, Angelina Jolie is in danger of restarting the war all over again by herself." Goodness. As someone who makes much of her work with the refugees of various conflicts, it makes sense that Angelina would eventually wish to backward integrate and begin causing conflicts herself. But that doesn't seem to have been the aim in this case. Apparently, Bosnian politicians and women's groups are not charmed by suggestions that the movie's plot features a Bosnian Muslim woman who falls in love with a Serbian soldier who raped her during the conflict. "Among thousands of testimonies by women raped during the war," fumes the Women Victims of War association in Sarajevo, "There is not a single one that tells of a love story between a victim and her rapist." Well, that's the sort of romance people go to the movies for – or as Angelina responds: "any dramatic interpretation will always fail those who have had a real experience." Which is fair enough. I know a lot of real-life husband-and-wife assassins felt totally let down by the way Mr & Mrs Smith cheapened their profession. Meanwhile, there is also Serbian disquiet, with one tabloid headline raging: "Angelina Jolie portrays Serbs as evil." So although her ban on filming in Bosnia has now been overturned, Angelina is on the defensive. "There are many twists in the plot that address the sensitive nature of the relationship between the main characters," she stated this week. "My hope is that people will hold judgement until they have seen the film." Yes, this touchiness doesn't become anyone. Fortunately, the movie's producer Edin Sarcik is miles less wishy-washy. Branding the emotional debate "unnecessary", he points out: "It's a big thing for Bosnia that such a mega-mega-star is coming to Sarajevo." Indeed. Don't look a celebrity angle in the mouth, Bosnia! The ingratitude of some countries is quite astounding, and we look forward to Angelina dragging the artless yokels up to speed.
Jedward say the Michael Jackson-signed sheet is 'really good stuff'. Photograph: Beretta/Sims/Rex Features Exciting entertainment property Jedward are a pair of hyper-quiffed innocents abroad in a confusing world. The former X Factor contestants now claim to have £2m in their bank account, but as a rule, say they don't like to spend it. However, it seems that the young Grimes brothers recently persuaded their financial carer to let them withdraw £20,000 – a full £3,000 of which they spent at auction on a piece of so-called pop memorabilia that Lost in Showbiz can hardly believe exists. It is a bedsheet, autographed by both Michael Jackson and his erstwhile child-buddy, Macaulay Culkin. "It's really good stuff," Edward explained this week. "Nobody else in the world has it." One imagines they don't. In light of subsequent events, Michael probably stopped co- autographing bedlinen with minors – or at the very least, any other works in the series would remain under his former lawyers' lock and key. So Jedward must be congratulated on their shrewd eye. The purchase represents a canny first acquisition for what will doubtless one day be regarded as the world's leading collection of aberrant celebrity relics.
On a scale of one to 10, how bad has the last year been? 'Eleven,' Cole says instantly. The dressing-room door opens and a lapdog jumps off Cheryl Cole and scurries across the floor. "Hello, dog," I say. "How are you?" "Hello," says Cheryl Cole barely moving her lips, "my name is Blue and I'm very well, thank you." Blue jumps back on to Cole's knee, and before I know it they're swapping soppy, sloppy kisses and I feel as if I'm playing gooseberry. "He's not my dog," Cole says. "He's the son of one of mine." She looks into his eyes – great, dark, wet pools, not unlike her own. "He's a gorgeous boy. Very cute. He looks like his mam." She smiles her X Factor smile – warm, gentle, empathetic. Cole recently said, "I don't trust anybody in my life except my mother and my dogs." Not surprising, really. While she has enjoyed huge success as a solo singer and as part of Britain's most successful female pop group, Girls Aloud, and perhaps most of all as a judge on The X Factor, her private life has been hellish. Her split from footballer Ashley Cole was played out in the tabloids, with evidence of her husband's infidelity splashed across the front pages. When she didn't talk, the press speculated whether Our Cheryl was having a breakdown, was anorexic, had lost it as a judge, had fallen out with Simon Cowell, was seeing other men for revenge, was seeing lawyers for the ultimate revenge… Probably only Princess Diana and Posh Spice have obsessed the media as much. But even when it was announced Cheryl was divorcing Ashley still she didn't speak. Ten months on, she's sick of having words put into her mouth and has agreed to do one television interview (with Piers Morgan) and one newspaper interview, with the Guardian. After this, she says, that's it – she will never discuss her private life in public again. On a scale of one to 10, how bad has the last year been? "Eleven," she says instantly. She starts off with marriage, but mid-sentence changes to malaria. The disease, which she contracted three months ago while holidaying in Tanzania, is an easier place to begin. "It was the day after my birthday when the symptoms first started. I put it down to that I'd been drinking vodka the night before, because I'm not a regular drinker. I put it down to just a big hangover. It got gradually worse and worse." What were the symptoms like? "I was exhausted and having flushes, goosebumps one minute – blue lips, blue fingertips, blue toes – to then being boiling hot. My skin was wet. I couldn't breathe properly." She was diagnosed and admitted to intensive care at London's Hospital for Tropical Diseases. Is it true she thought she was dying? "Yeah," she says quietly. "You want to know the details? I had no liver function, no kidney function, I was swollen with the fluid, I had no oxygen in my blood, I literally had 24 hours to get fluid out of my body, otherwise my insides were going to pack in. You know how sometimes you feel ill and say, 'I feel like I'm dying'? Well, I actually felt like I was dying. I asked the nurse outright – was I going to die? She said, 'There's a possibility.' " She comes to a shocked stop. Was she terrified of dying? "No, I was too tired to be scared. Honestly. I can't even describe to you – I was just like, I wish it would hurry up." She asked if she could make her will, and was told that if she didn't improve in 24 hours she should. The critical state lasted 36 hours and she was in hospital for 10 days. She is still spooked by the illness, not least by the fact that the previous year she had climbed Kilimanjaro to raise money for malaria sufferers. "It is weird, isn't it?" she says, almost to herself. Today, she still looks a little fragile. I offer her some of my sweets. "I'll have a wine gum," she says. "What's wrong with jelly babies?" "I don't like the flour on them. It goes through us." ‘I know to a lot of people the headlines and the stories they read are like some soap opera, but it’s my life.’ With Ashley in Germany during the 2006 World Cup. Photograph: PA Cole is about to release her second solo album, Messy Little Raindrops. The subject of the album is lost love. More explicitly, it is about being cheated on, the desire for vengeance and the recovery of self-respect. It couldn't be more personal. The only thing missing is a namecheck for her former husband. The songs are so specific, I assume she must have written them, but they have been written for her. On Happy Tears, she sings, "I cried when I heard you were cheating, I cried when I said I was leaving, I cried when my heart stopped believing… I cried when I slashed all your tyres, I cried when your suit hit the fire, I cried cos I knew I'd never see you again… but those were happy tears." Let's talk about those lyrics, I say. She gives me a wary look, and stresses that she didn't write them. So she cried about the cheating? "You're not going to say obvious things, are you? That wouldn't be very fun." Did she slash his tyres? "No." Did she feel like slashing his tyres? "Yes, sometimes." And did she feel like setting his suits on fire? "Sometimes." "It's all so recent," I say. "You must still feel that anger?" "You know what? I've dealt with anger for two years now, so I'm on top of it." It was two years ago there were first allegations of Ashley Cole's cheating. At the time, Cheryl said it was just malicious gossip. Did she know then that he'd been unfaithful? "Yes." And she gave him another chance? "Yes." Did she already know the first time, or did she learn about it through newspapers? "I don't know. I'm a bit numb. I've dealt with a lot of it. A lot of it on my own," She's speaking faster and louder now, and you can hear the upset in her voice. "A lot of emotion and feeling. More than anger." Did she feel embarrassed? "Of course. I'm a human. I'm still a person, you know. I know to a lot of people the headlines and the stories they read are like some sick entertainment or soap opera, but it's my life and I'm really dealing with it, and it's really happening. It's my real life. Of course I was embarrassed." The strange thing is, she's so widely adored and loved by people who don't know her, and yet her husband just goes off with a stranger who means nothing to him. "I don't think either is the case," she says. "When you're going through stuff or turmoil, whatever, I don't wake up in the morning and think, 'The world loves me.' Nah!" She says even if she had, it wouldn't have helped. "Nothing is much comfort at times like that. Nothing." She pauses. "Maybe music." What was she listening to? "I had…" She stops. "God, that feels really personal to tell you that… no, I won't tell you that. I listened to an album." What kind? "Soulful. Music is a big healer." One thing that emerges strongly from the new album is that Cole does not regard herself as a victim. "I have met a lot of young girls, and they said they'd watched my actions and it had inspired them. It had helped them through a situation, and that's the best feeling ever." Can she trust men now? "You know what? I haven't had time to deal with everything yet – even to reach that point where I'm thinking like that. It's not like I'm talking to you about something that's in my past. It's very present. If it had happened five years ago, it might be easier to answer your question." Cole always hated being talked of as a football Wag – she made it clear she had her own successful career. "Footballers' wives are just as bad as benefit scroungers – it's just a higher class of scrounger," she said in 2006, soon after marrying. At The X Factor studios, we are a few yards from Wembley Stadium, where the wives and girlfriends would turn out to watch their partners represent England. It must be a relief that she no longer has to do that, I say. "I thought 'Wag' was a derogatory term. It put you in the position of not being a person, just being the wife of someone, and I'm very uncomfortable with that – not in terms of going to Wembley to support your husband, but in terms of what that tag means and how you're perceived." Cole is not the first woman whose footballer partner cheated on her. This year, it seems that half the England team have been on the front pages for the same thing. Why is what happened to her so common in the football world? "Mmm," she mutters. "Yet all the other women have stayed with their footballers," I persist. And now she really is upset – whether it's with me, or my wording, or everything we're talking about, I don't know. "I don't feel it happened to me. I hate that. 'It happened to you.' I just hate it. It didn't happen to me. It's someone else's actions. The malaria happened to me. I just hate it. Hate it. Hate the whole fucking thing." It's the only time in our conversation that she swears. She gulps, and chokes back a tear. "Hate this year." "Sorry," I say, pathetically. "It's all right, there's a new one coming." She smiles, and recovers her calm. Look, she says, the fact that Ashley Cole is a footballer isn't relevant. "It doesn't matter what occupation they've got. When your heart is breaking, your heart's breaking – it makes no difference what either of you do." She returns to the partners who have stayed with their straying footballers. "You can't judge somebody on their decision, because that's up to them. Just for me personally, that was my choice." Cole, now 27, always wanted to be a successful singer. Not famous, she stresses, just successful. She grew up on a rough council estate in Newcastle. So many kids drank and took drugs and ruined themselves before they'd even embarked on adulthood. Her parents separated when she was 11, she was suspended from school twice (for fighting, and for swearing) and her brother was in regular trouble with the law. But there was always something special about young Cheryl – she won Boots' bonniest baby competition, was named World Star Of Future Modelling at the age of six and appeared in TV commercials for British Gas. When she made her first appearance on Popstars: The Rivals, the show that created Girls Aloud, she looked like a pretty little street fighter. She had crooked teeth, a bit of a belly, and was at home in her tracky bottoms. I ask if she's seen the oft-repeated TV show documenting her transformation from "chav" to "people's princess". She smiles. "I still am very street – I just have nicer clothes. I'm not ashamed of that. I love that. You know what, a lot of people that don't have that are worse off because they're not street-smart." How did she become the people's princess? "I have no idea. I find it all a bit… weird." Of course, she says, she was different when she won – back then, she was a teenager; now, she's a woman. Has her character changed? "No, I was the same as I am now. I might have chilled out a bit and grown up a lot." Was she angry then? "I definitely had teenage syndrome." And some. Just after winning Popstars: The Rivals, she almost killed her embryonic career. In January 2003, Cole got involved in a fight with a nightclub toilet attendant and was charged with racially aggravated assault and assault occasioning actual bodily harm. The prosecution said she was "high on fame" while the judge described the attack as "an unpleasant piece of drunken violence". Cole pleaded self-defence. The jury cleared her of the racist element, but found her guilty of assault occasioning actual bodily harm. She was ordered to pay £500 to her victim, £3,000 in prosecution costs and sentenced to 120 hours' community service. Did getting into trouble back then strengthen her in the long run? "Yes, 100%. It wasn't just a little bit of trouble, it was a big thing." With the media storm, did she think, "God, my career's over"? "No, my career hadn't really started. It was a few weeks in, and I actually thought, 'This is the real ugly side to fame.' People say the street and whatever, but the beauty of the street is that people are really loyal and honest. Brutally so. And this was my first experience with the opposite." Did she think that if she'd been at home, nothing would have been made of it? "Nothing would have been made of it. That's how you're bought up – to stick up for yourself." This mix of the hard and soft is one of the most fascinating things about Cole. Often, depending on the context, she is described as one or the other. One day she might be the stoic saint coping with marital adversity or the Mother Teresa of The X Factor, smiling beatifically as her kids perform for her; the next she might be the hard-nosed bitch who lip-syncs her way through a "live" TV performance while her X Factor wannabes have to do it for real, and who is happy to advertise L'Oréal shampoo while wearing hair extensions. Both versions, she says, are a caricature. "I'm not saintly at all. I do have a toughness. That's what's embedded in us, to be tough." Can she live a normal life when she goes home? She laughs. "I can act normally, and I can go out, but people around you don't act normally. If it was normal, I'd go out and have my dinner and nobody would be video-phoning me eating my dinner." Has she heard that young girls have started stapling their cheeks together to recreate her dimples? She looks as if she could be sick. "Yeah, I heard. Oh God. What on Earth am I'm supposed to say about that?" Don't do it? "Yes. Don't. It's funny, because having dimples is something I always struggled with growing up." It's late afternoon. The dressing room is dimly lit and largely empty – no photos, no good luck cards, just huge tubs of Butterkist popcorn and bottled water, Diet Coke, a cigarette packet and a box of matches. She gives Blue a quick cuddle, stuffs some Butterkist in her mouth and I ask a series of random questions. "If Simon got down on his knees tomorrow and said, 'Marry me, baby,' what would you say to him?" "What's the punchline?" "There are rumours that you have fallen out recently." "I don't know where these came from. If anything, we're the closest we've ever been." "He's helped you when you've been down?" "Why has everything got to be gloom and doom? We have funny conversations. He checks I'm OK, he reads me really, really well. I can't hide anything from him." "Why did you hire a group of singing dwarves for his birthday present?" "That was great, wasn't it?" She laughs. "What d'you get Simon Cowell for his birthday? Singing musical dwarves! You want some popcorn?" "How will your beloved Newcastle be affected by the Tory cuts?" "I was brought up Labour and it is pretty shit times. But I also think pop music helps that. And that's what I'm going to focus on – being a pop star. I'm not a politician." "The perfect politician's answer," I say. "But you are still Labour in your heart?" "Yes, absolutely." She stands up to wash her hands. "Sorry, I'm all sticky." For the first time I notice how tiny and slight she is – skinny legs, virtually no bottom and a giant tattoo across her lower back. "What is that tattoo?" I shout a little too loudly. "It's just times in my life, I suppose. More specific times when you felt certain things or whatever…" How many tattoos has she got? "Three." Which is her favourite? "I like the one on my hand, the little one. Just an abstract thing… it's cold in here." She seems to have forgotten two of her other tattoos – one on her bottom and the other on the back of her neck saying Mrs Cole. Does she want to get rid of any of her tattoos? "No… I'm not ashamed of anything. I've got nothing to rub away." There have been stories of yet another tattoo, dedicated to the dancer Derek Hough. Soon after she and Ashley Cole separated, the rumour mill went into overdrive – Hough was her new boyfriend, Hough was a cover for her new boyfriend. I ask if she really is going out with him. She replies with a fabulous evasion. "I know one thing for sure. I have spoken about everything that's been written about just to put everything to bed, close the door on this year, close the door on this chapter of my life, and start afresh. And from now on in I will never talk about my personal life again." What is it she most wanted to say? "Not want to say. I had to say. I just wanted to say, right, this is from the horse's mouth. And then I can move on, and try to have as much sanity and normality as possible." Outside the studio, there are paparazzi perched on their ladders trying to peer in. Is she aware of them? "Yes, it's sick. You know the worst thing is, when I was in intensive care, they were outside the hospital. There's people in that hospital dying, there are families going up there to sit with people for the last hours of their lives and there are 30 photographers outside." Perhaps it's impossible to reconcile such a high-profile career with a desire for privacy. Does she ever think, "Sod this for a game of soldiers, I'm getting out?" "Yeah, I've thought that a few times, but I'm not going to let them ruin my dreams. I want to make music." I do think she is being sincere, and that she does want to get stuff off her chest. Yet I'm equally aware that she is promoting a new album, which focuses on the breakdown of a relationship. For what it's worth, there is certainly no sign of a boyfriend. My feeling is she's still trying to get her life back together. I tell her about a 10-year-old girl who insists on calling her Cheryl Tweedy because it is empowering and Tweedy is her true name. No, she says, she's staying as Cole, and that's the truly empowering thing to do. "I don't feel sentimental about the name. If I went back to being Cheryl Tweedy, I'd be… I'm not ashamed of my marriage, it's a period in my life. And I am Cheryl Cole. That's how I feel." Cheryl Tweedy is who she was as a little girl, she says, and that's a lifetime away. And Cheryl Cole is who she's been most successful as, and Cheryl Cole sounds a cool name, and Cheryl Cole is a great brand. Why shouldn't she keep hold of the positives from her marriage? If she's sticking as Cheryl Cole, does she think that one day she might get back together with Ashley? This time she opens her mouth and it just stays open in shock or maybe horror. "We've been divorced. That's a pretty big ending. Maybe we can be friends… one day." Does she think he regrets lousing up their marriage? "I can't speak for him. You'll have to ask him that." Then she grins. "Maybe ring his publicist." • Cheryl Cole's second solo album, Messy Little Raindrops, is released on 1 November.
Gordon Ramsay's blustery, loud-mouthed persona is not going down so well with the public these days. Photograph: Channel 4 Gordon Ramsay has been no stranger to bad news in the last couple of years. His restaurant empire has faltered; he has been accused of torrid sexual wrongdoings; former proteges have turned against him. Through it all, the two central relationships in his life have appeared to stand firm: that to his wife, Tana, and to his father-in-law and business partner, Chris Hutcheson. Last week, however, the second of these was shown to be less resilient than was thought when it was announced that Hutcheson had left his position as CEO of Gordon Ramsay Holdings Ltd. It isn't yet clear what caused the rupture (all we know is that it followed a blazing row) but the implications for Ramsay cannot be anything other than extremely worrying. More than any other setback to have befallen the Glasgow-born chef in recent times, this one surely casts severe doubts over his future. It isn't much of a secret that Hutcheson has been integral to Ramsay's meteoric rise over the last 12 years, acting as his adviser, role model and even surrogate father, and effectively overseeing the day-to-day running of the business while Ramsay was busy turning himself into a TV celebrity. It could be argued that Ramsay is now big enough (and rich enough) to flourish without his former mentor. After all, after a rocky patch following the credit crunch his business is no longer in the red financially (it posted impressive profits of £4.2m in the 11 months leading up to August) and he'll no doubt be able to find someone else to run it for him. Moreover, his fame won't disappear overnight. The truth, though, is a bit more complex. Ramsay's success has always rested on a delicate balance between three things: his reputation as a chef; his acumen (aided by Hutcheson) as a businessman; and his fame as a TV personality. The three have reinforced each other in a sort of virtuous circle; remove any one from the equation, and it's hard to see how the other two would survive. Ramsay's greatest current difficultly, arguably, is that, although he is still doing well in purely financial terms, the other two prongs of his success – his culinary reputation and fame – are beginning to look somewhat tarnished. The reputation of his restaurants is no longer what it was. Back in the early 2000s his flagship Royal Hospital Road restaurant was rightly seen as the most exciting place to eat in London, if not Britain. In the newly published 2011 Harden's guide to London's restaurants, it is ranked just 17th. In addition to his own (much neglected) skills in the kitchen, Ramsay's other great strength has always been his ability to discover and nurture talent. But his two most brilliant proteges – Marcus Waering and Angela Hartnett – are no longer with him. Restaurant empires are ultimately propped up by the chefs, and Ramsay's, these days, seems worryingly lacking in this respect. And while he remains very much a presence on our TV screens, there is evidence that here, too, the Ramsay shtick is starting to wear thin. People have grown tired of his all-swearing, tough-guy persona. But his attempts to convince us that, beneath the bluster, he is really a kind soul – the subtext of his voyage of discovery round India in Gordon's Great Escape this year – have so far proved unconvincing. Nor does his latest series, Ramsay's Best Restaurant, based on a segment from his magazine show The F-Word, seem set to revive his reputation: in both critical and audience terms, it has so far met with an unenthusiastic response.The one thing we can be certain of about Ramsay is that his will to succeed is incredible, and it is much too early to write him off. But without Hutcheson these will be severely testing times for him both professionally and personally. Those close to him may have to get used to a lot more swearing.
Katy Perry covers herself with a jacket as she arrives with Russell Brand at the airport in Mumbai. Photograph: Punit Paranjpe/AFP/Getty ImagesThe singer Katy Perry and entertainer Russell Brand were married on Saturday at a "private and spiritual ceremony" at a wildlife sanctuary in India. The wedding took place at the Aman-e-Khas luxury resort outside the Ranthambhore tiger sanctuary, 80 miles from the "pink city" of Jaipur. A spokesman for the couple said a friend of Perry's family conducted the service. A hotel official said Brand and Perry wore traditional Indian clothes, with the bride and female guests in saris. Brand's wedding procession from a nearby resort was said to include 21 camels plus elephants, horses, dancers and musicians. PA
